I feel very stretched lately. Lots of people making demands and requests of me in addition to my normal responsibilities, and a lot of it is sort of misguided.
I'm not talking about normal "DRWVV MAH OC" clutter, which we all deal with! And that doesn't really both me, since it's so misdirected and wrong that you can just ignore it. More like hundreds of "Hey can you do this or be involved with this or get me into this or that or tell me the secret to whatever or teach me to so and so and also did you get my prior sixty messages i know they got lost in everyone else's prior sixty messages each so I am sending you sixty more btw why didn't you reblog my fanart did you see my fanart i drew you fanart comment on my fanart too please"
A lot, if not all of it, is honest and polite; Things I really want and feel obligated to respond to. But it's getting to a point, strictly on numbers, where I just can't. I've abandoned my DA notes inbox, which gets about fifty new things a day. I don't even know how many tumblr asks happen. I don't think I want to know. Since I started typing this the inbox has jumped up to 22. But I'm approaching the 100K follower mark over all my sites. While that's exciting on a lot of fronts, it's also making me realize that there's some things I just won't be able to do all the time, particularly on the communication front.
And a lot of it, particularly the fanart stuff, is wonderful stuff done for me by other people out of the goodness of their heart. But I'm just one person answering to so many people. And I do like to maintain a good image, and I do like to be involved in things and bring people in on things… but I don't know… I'm in too many places and stretched too thin. Like fanart makes your heart skip a beat, but when people are so insistent that you pay attention and acknowledge it publcally ASAP… Ugghhh… There isn't a person in the world who doesn't happily cry inside over fanart of their work, but I'm perfectly capable of tracking my tags, and I can't fav or reblog every single thing. And my opinion shouldn't even matter anyway. If you love something, draw it because you YOU are a fan of it, not because you want someone's, anyone's, attention or approval! (Please don't take this as disapproval of any fanart of any kind on any subject! Draw what you want, always!)
But there's just a lot of demands on my personality and public image lately… I've been avoiding the net a lot, in case you haven't noticed. I'd rather sidestep things than work until I blow up and make a scene. The few spare moments I've had are going to myself and String, as much as possible. I'm just sort of tired with being "on" all the time…!
My tumblr personal blog is supposed to be a silly little personal blog for me to enjoy stupidly, but it's turned into a 10k follower liveblog… and while I don't care about the number, I don't really want the liveblog part. I don't want to feel like I need to be or act a certain way… And if I accept that I'll just NOT get to every single message or note, I'll be more at ease.
While it's sort of the opposite to what'd make "sense" in this situation, I'm going to make more of an effort to treat this blog as a small blog. Which means less focus on my own draws and work and stuff, and more on just being myself or whatever!
And maybe if I feel more myself and at ease online (where a great deal of my life happens), I won't be up until 4:30 running on anxious fumes, getting nothing done, but unable to sleep.
